


Exclusivity

by Youremyalways



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Fingering, Hurt!Sam, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Make up sex, Mostly porn, PWP, Post-Cage Sam, Some Fluff, Some angst, Warning: past rape/noncon referenced, Wincest - Freeform, first time in a long time, protective!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:07:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28158048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youremyalways/pseuds/Youremyalways
Summary: Sam and Dean were in a relationship before he went to hell. When he came back... they weren’t.Here’s them getting back together (SMUTTY) and dealing with Sam’s hell trauma in the process (HURT/COMFORT).Lots of smut, some plot, some fluff...
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59





	Exclusivity

**Author's Note:**

> TW: past rape mentioned (albeit vaguely)

Sam has been in a goddamn mood all week. Hell,  _ all month _ . He was consistently doing all the little things that drove Dean insane, like quietly muttering under his breath and huffing in annoyance when anything even minorly inconvenient happened. 

If Dean was honest with himself, Sam had been off since he got back from the cage. He just didn’t notice it at first because he was too busy being relieved that his brother was back. And then there was the tension between the two of them that just made everything even worse. See, before Sam went to hell, they were together. Not together like in each other’s presence, but  _ together  _ together. Like, in a relationship  _ together _ . For quite a few months. And they were happy. But, since Sam came back from the cage, things were different. Neither of them so much as brought it up and Sam was sleeping in a separate bed again. It was like hell was a reset button on their intimacy. They got flung back to being brothers instead of secret lovers. And they were both tense and awkward because of it.

They were never truly official, and they never talked about being exclusive, so Dean supposed he shouldn’t really be mad at Sam for wanting to sleep with other people, but still… for the past two weeks, Sam had been disappearing at night to hunt down girls at the bars, or nightclubs, or libraries, or wherever the hell Sammy goes to find chicks. And honestly, Dean was more than jealous… he was  _ concerned _ . Sam was not the type to go after one night stands. He was the wine-and-dine, take care of his lover type of guy. He didn’t fuck just to get it out of his system or to burn off steam. So, part of Dean was worried about his brother. But, yeah, he was also kinda jealous that Sam was fucking all these other people and not him. 

Nevermind the fact that Sam had been coming back looking tired and hungover nearly every time, and Dean had to act like nothing was wrong. He told himself that it was just a phase, and that Sam was healing from hell. This would fade soon enough. So, he kept his head down and ignored it. If privacy was what Sam needed, he could do that. That was until Wednesday. 

On Wednesday, Sam came in the door just past two am with watery eyes and tear stains on his cheeks. Dean was up nursing a glass of whiskey and immediately his big brother instincts kicked into high gear. 

“Sammy?” He asked, knitting his brows in confusion as his brother walked towards him where he sat at the small table in the kitchenette of the motel room. 

Sam’s head shot up in surprise, like he wasn’t expecting Dean to be awake. He brought a hand up and quickly wiped it over his face, discreetly wiping away the tears. Then, he cleared his throat and closed the door behind him with a dull thud.

“Uh, hey.” He greeted quietly, peeling his coat off and putting it on the coat rack by the door, “What are you doing up?”

Dean saw the distraction for what it was and let out a somewhat annoyed breath before leaning back in his chair and ignoring Sam’s question, instead asking one of his own, “You okay?”

Sam looked down and let out an audible breath before looking up and giving Dean an incredibly tight, forced smile, “I’m fine. Are you?”

Dean furrowed his brows and asked in confusion, “Me?”

“Yeah.” Sam shrugged as he sat down and pulled his shoes off, “You’re up drinking at two in the morning. Everything okay?”

Dean shook his head and huffed as he took another long pull from his glass. As he pulled it away from his lips, he looked at Sam and said sarcastically, “I’m super.”

Sam raised a brow, but didn’t seem to have enough energy or will to continue talking or turn this into an argument. He simply nodded before walking over to the dresser and pulling out a pair of flannel pants. He then looked at Dean one more time before disappearing into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

Dean let out a frustrated breath and tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling. All of this tension and uncertainty was eating him up inside.  _ That’s  _ why he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t go about his normal routine like everything was fine when everything was so…  _ not _ . Plus, he would not be skipping over the fact that Sam came in here crying. Clearly Sam thought he had deflected well enough, but no way in hell was he getting away with that. Something was wrong with Sam, and it was Dean’s job to figure it out. And damn, if he wasn’t going to do just that. 

The second Sam walked out of the bathroom, bare chested but with flannel pajama pants on his legs, Dean was setting his glass on the table and eyeing him up and down.

“Alright,” He started, clearing his throat and keeping a heated stare on his brother, “I can’t keep pretending, man. Something is wrong here. I know it, and you know it. Nothing has changed with me, so it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that there must be something up with you.”

He let the words hang in the air as he watched Sam’s face fall. His brother closed his eyes for a moment before walking all the way to his bed and sitting down on the edge. He settled his elbows on his knees and looked up, making eye contact with Dean. He looked full of dread and that made Dean’s brotherly instincts soar. He walked over to his own bed and sat down on the edge, facing Sam directly. 

Sam waited until he was settled to look down at his lap and speak softly, “I know.” 

Dean sighed and nodded minutely. He knew from Sam’s body language that whatever the issue was… it was a sensitive one. He had to tread lightly.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Dean asked gently, sort of rhetorically, before continuing with a concerned yet sincere smile, “All of the one night sexcapades and coming home in the morning hungover… that’s not you, Sammy. It never has been. I just… I don’t understand what changed.”

Sam just pinched his lips and looked up hesitantly, eyes glassy. He muttered barely audibly, “They weren’t sexcapades.”

Dean raised a brow and prompted, “What?”

Sam sighed and spoke louder, “In order for them to be sexcapades, I’m pretty sure I would’ve had to have sex.”

Dean was completely thrown. He literally jerked his head back in shock, eyebrows raising and jaw dropping a bit. Everything that he thought made sense just flew out the window. What the hell?

“I’m sorry.” Dean held a hand up and tried to work his way through it, but failed completely. He looked up at Sam completely flabbergasted and asked exasperatedly, “What?”

Sam let out a short, frustrated breath and clarified weakly, “I didn’t have sex with them.”

Dean was dumbstruck.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” He complained, leaning forward, “If you weren’t having sex than what the hell were you doing?”

Sam stayed staring down at his lap, avoiding eye contact with Dean as he said softly, as if he was ashamed, “I was  _ trying  _ to have sex, but I couldn’t.”

Dean felt his heart constrict. Could it be… could Sam not have sex for the same reason Dean couldn’t? Because he knew the only person he really wanted was the one directly across from him? Was it too much to hope that Sam was coming to the realization that he and Dean should be together again? 

Dean’s heart was thundering in his chest as he contemplated that possibility. But… he couldn’t jump to conclusions. He stuttered almost embarrassingly, “Wh… what do you, uh… why do you… I mean, why couldn’t you?”

Sam looked up at him, completely overlooking Dean’s obvious blunder, and his expression was the picture perfect image of dread and self-loathing. 

“Because everytime I tried,” He clenched his teeth, the words coming out of his mouth like they were poison, “All I could feel was _ him _ .”

Dean narrowed his eyes, feeling his body deflate because the answer wasn’t what he’d hoped, but also feeling a sense of curiosity grow within him. 

“Him?” He prompted, seeking clarification.

Sam’s face crumpled and his shoulders sagged down. He responded in defeat, “Lucifer.”

Dean’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach and all he could do was watch as the memories danced across Sam’s paling face.

“Every hand that lands on me, every body I see, every sensation, every image…” He choked up and his voice cracked before finishing, “It’s just  _ him _ .”

Dean felt like he’d gone to another plane of existence. It didn’t feel like he could breathe anymore. Gravity was suddenly eighty times heavier on his shoulders, pushing his body down further into the bed and suffocating him for all he was worth. Sam never talked about the cage or the torture he endured while held there, and Dean tried to not think about it. He didn’t want to know, anyway. Never once had he thought about the possibility of the devil abusing Sam  _ sexually _ . It made a horrific amount of sense, but Dean locked those thoughts away in a titanium box. The fact that Sam was confirming it now made his entire world crumble.

“That’s why I kept trying. I just kept hoping it would fade, but it’s just  _ not _ .” He swallowed around the lump in his throat before continuing, “He  _ ruined  _ me, Dean.”

And God, Dean couldn’t take any more of this. He jumped off of his bed and fell to his knees right in front of where Sam sat. He reached out and placed his hands on Sam’s knees, waiting for eye contact to be made before he spoke. And when he did talk, it was with conviction. 

“You are  _ not  _ ruined.” He asserted, angry at even the idea of that, “You are human and you need to heal, but you are  _ not  _ ruined! He doesn’t have that power over you. Don’t  _ let  _ him have that power over you.”

“I can’t help it!” Sam cried out, staring at Dean as fresh tears began to fall, “And I can’t tell any of the women that the reason I stop is because of  _ that _ , so nothing gets better!”

Dean felt a tear slip down his own cheek. He squeezed Sam’s knee and then the words were tumbling from his lips before he could stop them, “Well maybe you don’t need a woman.” 

He widened his eyes at his own statement, surprised at himself. Sam furrowed his brows and reached up to wipe at his tears. His voice cracked as he asked, “What do you mean?”

Dean bit his lip and squinted, starting, “Well, maybe…” 

He let his words fall off, realizing he was probably pushing the boundaries. But Sam wouldn’t let him go.

“Maybe, what?” He sniffled.

Dean took a long, deep breath and thought  _ screw it _ .

“I’m gonna blame this on the liquor in the morning.” He mumbled to himself before meeting Sam’s eyes and exhaling slowly, “Maybe  _ I  _ could help.” 

Sam jerked his head a little and asked in confusion, “How could you help?”

Dean's heart broke as he stared into Sam’s red rimmed eyes. He took a deep breath and started explaining slowly, “I’m the only one who knows what you went through down there. I’m the only one who you could be completely honest with. Right?”

Sam raised a brow, growing confused and skeptical now, “Yeah…”

“So…” Dean licked his lips, ridding himself of the dryness, “maybe if  _ we _ …” 

Sam’s eyes widened as the meaning of Dean’s words settled over him. He commented in disbelief, “You can’t be serious.”

Dean reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. His heart was pounding.

“It’s not like we haven’t done it before.” He defended, as if that made it all okay.

“Well, yeah,” Sam agreed, “but that was before…”

He trailed off and Dean inferred the rest of his statement. He swallowed and asked, “Before hell?”

Sam didn’t so much as nod, but the look on his face said it all. 

Dean sighed and looked up, “Look, all I’m saying is, we could do it once. Get it out of your system in a way that will make you feel safe. Then, you could feel comfortable to go out with whatever girl you want.”

In the morning, he’d probably regret all of this. It was like word vomit at this point. He was too far down the road to turn back.

“You’re serious about this.” Sam looked at him inquisitively, words soft and sort of distant.

“I just don’t want hell to have this grip on you. I wanna help.” Dean told him, and that was true. He just left out the minor details that he still loved Sam and wanted to be with him.

“I know, I guess.” Sam rubbed a hand over his face before speaking critically, “It’s just… won’t that be kinda weird. Considering…”

Sam trailed off and Dean prompted, “Considering what?”

Sam breathed out sharply and elaborated bluntly, “Considering that we were in a relationship before I went to hell and now we’re not.” 

Dean felt those words like a bullet to his gut. How could Sam say it so easily? He blinked and swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to staunch the hurt swirling deep in his chest.

“Only weird if we make it weird.” He smiled tightly, maintaining eye contact with Sam and shrugging like it was so much easier than it actually was, “So, let’s just… not.”

Sam huffed out a breath and shook his head, “I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“Sam.” Dean reached up and brushed his hand down the length of his brother’s cheek. He smiled softly, “Stop overthinking. What does your gut say?” 

Sam looked up at the ceiling and stayed that way for a few solid moments. His right leg started bouncing under Dean’s hand. Dean could feel nothing but the sweat gathering in his armpits and the racing of his pulse. Everything led up to this. 

Eventually Sam looked down and met Dean’s eyes again. He exhaled, “Okay.” 

Dean’s eyebrows raised and the smile immediately appeared on his lips. Before he could say anything, however, Sam was speaking again.

“But there have got to be some ground rules.”

Dean nodded eagerly, telling his brother, “Wouldn’t expect anything less.” 

Sam nodded before speaking hesitantly, “First… I need to be in control. I have trouble being… being… uh, submissive. I need to hold the ropes, dictate the pace. That’ll make it different than… uh… you know… what  _ he _ did to me.” 

“Of course.” Dean said immediately, no hesitation. 

Sam continued, “And I need… if I say stop… you have to stop.”

“Immediately.” Dean agreed with conviction, “No questions asked.” 

Sam nodded before licking his lips and adding softly, “Also… I need to bottom.” 

“Oh.” Dean raised his brows, taken aback by that request. Before hell they switched off, but Sam was bottom the majority of the time. But… Dean also figured the devil didn’t let Sam top. It might be easier to let Sam do it that way, at least at first.

“What?” Sam asked, looking anxious and suddenly regretful. 

“I’m just a little surprised.” Dean told him honestly, eliminating the worry from Sam’s mind, “Didn’t… weren’t you bottom down  _ there _ ? I figured you’d want to switch it up, make it different.” 

“No.” Sam shook his head, eyebrows pulled together so tight they created wrinkles between them, “I want to make this better. I can’t keep avoiding it.”

Dean nodded in understanding, but wanted to be certain. He inquired, “You sure?”

“Yeah.” Sam nodded before looking at Dean and asking back, “Are you?”

Dean laughed a little at the question, feeling extraordinarily nervous now that the spotlight was on him. He flushed a little, but nodded and smiled softly, “I think so.”

“Okay.” Sam exhaled, tilting his head and adding, “This is insane, but… okay.”

“Okay.” Dean repeated, staring up at Sam in anticipation.

A few beats passed and the air felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. After a few long moments dragged out, Sam broke the silence. 

“Are we…” He stuttered a bit, “You mean, like  _ now _ ?” 

“Huh?” Dean was thrown by the question. He cleared his throat and answered hesitantly, “Uh… I don’t know. Do you want to wait?”

“No.” Sam answered almost instantly, with a soft smile.

Dean let out a sigh of relief and smiled, “Okay, good. Me neither.” 

Sam looked ten times more nervous all of a sudden. His leg still bounced. 

“Uhm, your bed or mine?” He asked after a moment.

“Yours is closer, come on.” Dean smiled, getting up off his knees before gently placing his hands on Sam’s chest and pushing him down onto the mattress. He followed easily, straddling his brother’s hips. 

Dean licked his lips and asked gently, “How do you wanna do this?” 

Sam looked up at Dean and seemed to think about it for a moment before speaking slowly, “I’m gonna lay down. I want you to lie beside me, and I want you to kiss me.” 

Dean smiled softly, “I can do that.” 

Sam nodded and then made quick work of worming his body around until he was lying vertically along the mattress, head on the pillow. Dean then lied next to him and leaned in to kiss him, but pulled back at the last second when he noticed how stiff Sam was.

“Hey, relax.” He told Sam gently, reaching forward and firmly rubbing one of his shoulders to emphasize his words, “Let go of that tension. You’re safe with me. I’d never hurt you.” 

“I know.” Sam told him, “I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” 

“It’s okay.” Dean whispered as he reached for Sam’s face, gently lifting his chin up. He asked quietly, “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s okay with you?” 

Sam nodded and then Dean was inhaling deeply before letting go of his breath and leaning into Sam’s face. He pressed his lips to his brother’s and the second their mouths met, every ounce of tension dissipated from Dean’s body. It was so right, so perfect. He had  _ missed  _ this. Sam just melted right into him, and they found an easy rhythm right away. Dean closed his eyes and let the sensations guide him. That was until he heard Sam start to whimper against his lips.

“Shhhh, shhh.” He cooed between kisses, gently stroking Sam’s bicep, “I’ve got you.” 

They continued for a few more seconds before Sam pulled back and pleaded, “Stop… Dean, stop…” 

Dean flung off of Sam like he’d been tasered. He looked at Sam with wide, concerned eyes and asked worriedly, “What’s wrong?” 

“Just…” Sam groaned in frustration. Then he was throwing a leg over Dean’s hips and pulling himself over so that he was lying on top of Dean, their hips lined up. Sam exhaled like weight was lifted off his shoulders, “That’s better.” 

Dean nodded knowingly. Sam needed to be in control, he needed to be on top. He needed to be in the position of power. 

He just turned it into a tease, wiggling his eyebrows and commenting, “No complaints, here.” 

Sam half-laughed, half-scoffed as he leaned down and kissed Dean’s cheek, “You haven’t changed at all.” 

Dean smiled sadly, thinking about how much Sam  _ had _ changed. But before he could go down that particular rabbit hole, Sam was speaking up.

“I haven’t either.” He whispered, “Not as much as you think, anyway.”

Dean hummed as Sam’s hand slid down his jaw, “Whatever you say, Sammy.” 

Then his little brother was reaching down and gripping the hem of his tee shirt, yanking it over Dean’s head so they were both bare chested. He also reached for Dean’s belt and unhooked it easily, then opened Dean’s fly. 

“Give me your hand.” He commanded, breathlessly.

“Seriously?” Dean laughed, even as he stretched his hand out for Sam to take, “You wanna hold ha-” he was cut off abruptly when Sam took Dean’s own hand and pressed it down hard on his dick. His toes curled and he moaned, “ _ ohhh fuck _ .”

“You wanna shut up, now?” Sam asked with a teasing smile as he forced Dean to palm his own growing erection. 

“Mhmmmm.” Dean simply nodded, his eyes falling closed and eyebrows scrunching up as pleasure ran through him. 

Sam smirked and kept the pressure on Dean’s groin as he simultaneously yanked his own flannel pants off. It required an awkward bend, but it was worth it. He had to release his hand once he was clad only in boxers so that he could get Dean to a similar state of undress. He pulled Dean’s jeans off and moved back up his body. Then, he took a deep breath and reached down, looping his fingers into the waistband of his briefs and pausing. Dean saw the sudden uncertainty cloud his features. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” He whispered, reaching up and caressing Sam’s forearm gently, “Take your time.” 

Sam bit his lip and nodded a little, as if giving permission to himself, before pulling his briefs down and off- exposing his body completely. Dean’s mouth watered at the sight and his hips jerked up a little in an uncontrollable reaction. His breath stuttered and his cheeks flushed. 

“God, Sammy…” Dean moaned, tilting his head back as his brother removed his boxers. They were both completely nude now.

“Okay.” Sam exhaled, and he sounded so nervous that Dean opened his eyes and looked up to see what was the matter. But Sam just kept mumbling, “Okay, okay, okay.” 

“Hey.” Dean called softly, reaching out and tentatively placing a hand on Sam’s hip to soothe him, “What’s going on in that head?” 

Sam’s eyes shot up to meet his and he replied like the words were shameful, “I haven’t… I haven’t been close with a  _ guy _ since… you know.”

Dean waited patiently for Sam to continue, just gently caressing his hip with his thumb.

“Just uh…” Sam breathed out, “Memories.” 

Dean looked up and made eye contact before speaking.

“I’m not him.” He asserted, “I will not hurt you. We aren’t gonna do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I know that, rationally.” Sam defended, “But my brain… I can’t control it. The memories just creep up on me.”

“Okay, then do me a favor?” Dean asked rhetorically as he continued stroked Sam’s hip, “When your brain tries to go back to the cage, try to go back even earlier. You do remember the times that we did this before you went down there, right?”

“Of course.” Sam answered immediately.

Dean smiled a little at the fond memories and how eager Sam was to prove he valued them too. 

“Try to remember those times instead.” He told Sam, “When you start to think about Lucifer and what he did to you, try to shift to me and what we did together. Remember when sex made you feel  _ good _ . Can you do that for me?” 

Sam sucked his lips into his mouth for a moment before pushing them back out and exhaling, “I’ll try.” 

Dean squeezed Sam’s hip and smiled, “I know you will.” 

Another moment of silence.

“Okay, well, you dictate the pace.” Dean announced after a few beats, “I’ll follow your lead.” 

Sam nodded before slipping off of Dean’s lap and leaving him cold and alone. Dean’s eyebrows furrowed and he was about to protest, but then he saw that Sam was bending over the nightstand to pull out a condom and lube. He sighed in relief and relaxed back against the mattress. When Sam came back, he straddled Dean’s lap again and threw the supplies down gently on the bed. 

“I wanna try my fingers before yours, I think.” He said almost colloquially, like he was trying to figure out a math problem. 

Dean nodded and reached for the lube, “Come here.”

He beckoned for Sam’s hand and his brother gave it to him, albeit hesitantly. He gently pulled Sam’s fingers apart so he could coat the pointer and middle fingers in lube. He did it slowly and carefully, keeping a careful eye on Sam's reactions to make sure everything he was doing was okay.

Once they were ready, he looked up at Sam and asked, “Do you want me to guide them, or…” 

“No.” Sam shook his head, bringing his hand down to his ass and gently prodding the tip of his index finger against his rim. He breathed out steadily in a controlled, mindful pattern and licked his lips as he slid the finger in. 

It took a little while to work that single finger in, his hole tighter than it was back when he and Dean did this regularly. He continued breathing through it, eyebrows furrowed and eyes closed. He rocked his hips gently to keep the pressure from being too much. 

Dean looked on in absolute awe. He was frozen in place, watching as Sam gave himself pleasure for the first time in over a year. 

“You look incredible.” He complimented his brother, completely breathless.

Sam didn’t respond, he just kept thrusting that finger in, waiting several long moments before pushing a second one in alongside it. He hissed a bit at the pressure, hips stuttering and body losing balance. Dean used the hand on Sam’s hip to steady him. 

“This is so weird.” Sam said after a moment, pulling his fingers out of his opening and breathing out.

Dean shrugged, smirking, “I don’t know, I’m kinda enjoying this.” 

Sam laughed breathlessly and repositioned his legs to be more comfortable. He then grabbed the lube and slid it into Dean’s palm before carefully guiding his brother’s fingers to wrap around the bottle. He closed his hand around Dean’s, squeezing gently. 

“Your turn.” He whispered before leaning down and crashing his mouth into Dean’s.

Dean hummed into the kiss and brought his unoccupied hand up to Sam’s cheek, caressing the skin gently. He slipped his other hand out of Sam’s and popped open the cap of the lube. He messily coated three fingers before tossing the bottle back down to the bed. He broke off of Sam’s mouth to ask, “You sure?”

Sam nodded eagerly before bowing his head down to mash their lips again. 

Dean closed his eyes and reached for Sam’s ass, slowly pushing two fingers in. Sam’s breath caught and he whimpered against Dean’s lips. 

“You okay?” Dean asked, freezing his fingers to allow for adjustment. He pressed a soft kiss to Sam’s nose as he waited for an answer.

“I’m alright.” Sam answered in a whisper, “Just… slow.” 

Dean nodded and nuzzled their noses, “You got it.”

He pulled his fingers all the way out and then pushed them all the way back in, paying sharp attention to Sam’s face and every little wrinkle of discomfort that appeared. He tilted his chin up and kissed the corner of Sam’s mouth as he continued thrusting. 

“God, you’re tight.” Dean groaned, shifting his hand a bit to get a better angle. 

Sam suddenly opened his eyes and he looked down at Dean in complete and utter panic. His eyes were blown wide and his lips were parted, breath coming out erratically. Immediately, Dean stopped moving. 

“Hey, hey!” He called, grabbing the side of Sam’s face and forcing him to look at him, “You are with me. It’s Dean. You are nowhere else.” 

Sam continued breathing hard and Dean tried again, “Remember, Sammy! Go back before the cage. Remember you and me. Think about you and Dean. You are safe with me, I won’t hurt you.” 

Sam’s eyes scrunched closed and took a few more sporadic breaths before asking breathlessly, hesitantly, “Can I touch you?” 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows in surprise and confusion, but answered honestly nonetheless, “Of course you can.”

Sam kept his eyes closed and reached a shaky hand down to Dean’s hip. After a second, he found what he was looking for and wrapped his hand around Dean’s dick. He started firmly stroking it up and down, eventually opening his eyes so he could watch his hand moving. Dean was concerned for Sam, but God, once that pressure got going… It took everything in him not to scream. He was so fucking hard and it felt so fucking good. He moaned embarrassingly loud when Sam’s hand reached the top of his dick and slid over the head. He was having trouble keeping his eyes open and hips still, now. 

He watched Sam’s features visibly relax and heard his breaths even out. They made eye contact and it was clear that Sam saw the questions in Dean’s eyes. 

“ _ He  _ never let me ask for anything. It was commands.” He explained as he continued to give Dean a handy, explaining why that simple move was so effective. 

Dean nodded and licked his lips, only then realizing that his two fingers were still firmly wedged in Sam’s ass and not moving. 

“Can…” He broke off with a gasp as Sam’s hand kept moving, “Can I move my fingers?” 

Sam immediately nodded, laughing a little as he confirmed, “God, yes.”

Dean smiled and did exactly that. He slipped his fingers out almost entirely before pushing back in. Eventually, he was able to slip in the third finger and Sam leaned down to kiss him again. It felt so good to be in tune with Sam again- to be so connected and in sync. He had missed it more than he would ever care to admit. 

They went on like that for a while, but when Sam suddenly started sucking at Dean’s neck, an intense wave of pleasure rocketed through him and his hips thrust up on their own accord. He had to reach down and grab Sam’s hand to stop it from moving and squeeze his eyes shut. 

“Arghhh.” He groaned out, hips still wiggling a bit and breathing heavy as the intense feeling subsided. 

Sam froze and his eyes widened. He stuttered out, “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have-”

“Hey.” Dean cooed, reaching up and brushing the hair out of Sam’s eyes, “I just don’t want to come yet. I wanna wait til I’m in you.” 

Sam crumpled even further and he whispered brokenly, “What are you gonna do to me?” 

Dean knit his brows and questioned, “What?”

Sam ducked his head down, “I misbehaved.”

Dean’s entire body lit up like a fire. He lifted Sam’s chin up and looked him in the watery eyes.

“Sammy, it’s Dean. It’s not Lucifer and you aren’t in hell. I will not hurt you.” He swallowed nervously before adding, “Do you understand?”

Sam seemed to take a moment to think it through, but then he breathed out and repeated softly, “You’re Dean, not Lucifer. We’re not in hell.” 

“That’s my boy.” Dean smiled, sort of sadly, and caressed Sam’s cheek. It was so fucking hard to watch Sam have these doubts. He just wanted his brother to be okay.

But this -what they were doing now- was a step in the right direction. This was going to help Sam be okay. 

Dean stayed still and waited for Sam to make the next move. He knew he wasn’t in control here. 

“You…” Sam started, pushing his ass down against Dean’s fingers and kissing at his cheek, “... are much more patient than I ever gave you credit for.” 

Dean started moving his fingers again, with Sam’s implied permission, and hummed. For several long moments, Dean worked Sam’s hole while Sam kissed all over Dean’s neck and face. That was until everything was suddenly just… not enough. 

Sam leaned back and gently gripped Dean’s wrist, guiding his hand away from his ass so that his fingers slipped out. He hissed a little as the knuckles brushed his rim, but quickly got over it. He reached for the condom and handed it to Dean, giving him a firm nod.

“And you’re certain?” Dean leveled a serious glance at him, “No turning back after this.” 

Sam nodded, “I want this. I want you.” 

Dean’s heart fluttered in his chest, but he swallowed down the feeling of overwhelming love and emotion. He simply breathed out and reached for the condom package, tearing it open and sliding the rubber down over his dick with a sharp gasp. Sam watched the entire time, as if entranced. Once the condom was qll the way down, Sam grabbed the lube and generously coated his palm. 

“May I?” He asked with a smile that said he already knew the answer.

Dean laughed out and shoved his hips up in invitation, “Be my fucking guest, Sammy.” 

Sam smirked and did as told, wrapping his hand around Dean’s cock and lathering it with lube, paying close attention to all the little spots that made Dean moan. After a moment, he backed away and froze in place. The only thing left to do was… 

“Okay.” Sam breathed out, as if talking himself into it, “This is gonna be hard. I don’t know how great it’ll be for you. Just… bear with me, alright?” 

Dean nodded and slid his hand back down to Sam’s hip, squeezing gently in comfort, “I've got you, man. We’re doing this to get you comfortable with sex, it isn’t about me. Take all the time you need.” 

Sam nodded and took a few more deep, controlled breaths. After a moment he sucked in a long breath and started lowering himself down onto Dean. His breath hitched and he whimpered. 

“Shhh, shhh.” Dean soothed, although his body was tensing with pleasure at the intense suction of Sam’s hole around the head of his duck. 

“It’s Dean.” Sam whispered to himself, closing his eyes as he continued sinking down, “It’s Dean.” 

Dean’s heart was hammering in his chest, palms sweating. His body felt fantastic but his mind was racing. He was excited, nervous, emotional, and terrified all at once. It was overwhelming. And if it felt like that for him, God only knows how it felt for Sam. 

“How does it feel, Sammy?” He asked breathlessly.

Sam slid the rest of the way down and moaned, head dropping limp against his chest, “Full.” 

Dean smirked, “Yeah, I’ll bet.” 

Sam swallowed and shuddered, opening his eyes and looking down at Dean. His breath caught and he reached out to touch Dean’s cheek. His eyes started watering and suddenly his throat choked up.

“Dean…” His voice was a mere whisper, “You’re real?”

Dean's heart sank and he felt his own chest grow tight with emotions. He nodded eagerly and pulled himself up to his elbows so he was closer to Sam’s face. He reached out and ran a hand through Sam’s hair.

“I’m real.” He assured wholeheartedly, “And so are you. We’re both real. And we’re here, together. Not in hell.” 

Sam leaned into Dean’s touch and nodded, repeating, “Not in hell.” 

He let out a long, audible breath and then nodded again, opening his eyes and setting his jaw. He didn’t give Dean any warning before lifting himself up and dropping back down, effectively fucking himself and milking Dean’s cock. His breath hitched and he leaned forward, placing his hands on Dean’s chest to keep himself upright. 

“Oh fuck, Sammy.” Dean grunted, tilting his head back and shutting his eyes at the sudden, overwhelming pleasure coursing through his body. 

Sam rocked down again, finding a rhythm. Dean’s thighs clenched and it took everything in him to not thrust his hips right up into Sam. His fingers dug into Sam’s. 

“Talk to me.” His brother pleaded suddenly, his eyebrows furrowing and mouth starting to quiver as he continued riding Dean’s dick.

“Yeah, okay.” Dean agreed, breathlessly, as arousal spread through his groin and abdomen. Speaking was quite difficult to manage at the moment, but if it would help Sam, then it was worth it.

“Remember that time in uh… Concord?” He offered, licking his lips and breathing heavily, “That nice hotel that we stayed in ‘cuz… fuck… ‘cuz we made big on a pool game.” 

Sam nodded jerkily and curled his fingers a bit, his nails scraping Dean’s chest.

“You remember how I…” God, the mental picture of what he was talking about made it even harder to talk and control himself, “I fucked you in the hot tub.”

Sam moaned and his hips gained momentum, eyes closing.

“The water was splashing everywhere.” Dean continued, gritting his teeth and curling his toes, “And we had gone over a week without sex… mmmm… so we were both so goddamn horny.” 

Sam leaned backwards a bit, arching his back and angling his knees. When he sank back down, the new position made his whole body explode. Dean’s dick was nailing him  _ directly  _ on his prostate and he whined out loud.

“You were so fucking hot like that.” Dean moaned, starting to pull at Sam’s hips to keep the pace going steady. He probably shouldn’t be touching Sam and throwing him off, but he just couldn’t help it. He moaned when he looked up at his brother, “You still are.  _ Fuck. _ ” 

“Dean!” Sam cried out, his chest heaving and Adam’s apple bobbing. 

He rocked up and down, back and forth, again and again. Dean tilted his head back and couldn’t stop the moans of pleasure. His whole body was a live wire… and he wasn’t gonna last much longer. 

“Sammy, can I…” He broke off when a particularly hard thrust overwhelmed him and then started again, “Can I touch you?”

Sam didn’t even stop to consider the question. He just kept riding Dean’s dick and gasping at the intense pleasure. When he answered, his voice was hitched and raspy.

“Yeah.” 

Dean didn’t so much as blink before he was wrapping a calloused hand around Sam’s dick and squeezing gently. Sam’s whole body reacted, sagging forward into the new sensation. Sam’s eyebrows pulled in tight and he gasped, “ _ Oh, God _ .”

Dean smiled before reaching for the lube and coating his palm. Then he started stroking Sam- up and down, up and down. Sam’s breathing was completely erratic and audible, his hips losing rhythm fast. 

“Dean…” He whimpered, squinting his eyes open. His jaw dropped agape by no choice of his own when his prostate was struck once again. 

“You’re okay.” Dean told him, his own body having trouble holding back. He was so close to the edge. He stroked Sam even harder and told him, “You can let go.” 

“You…” Sam huffed, “You have to… first.”

Dean couldn’t even put up a fight or acknowledge how odd that request was. He was too damn close and Sam was telling him to come and…  _ fucking hell. _

His whole body tensed and he dropped his mouth open in a silent scream as the white hot pleasure exploded from his groin outwards. His dick twitched and his whole lower body spasmed, knees bending up and hips jerking. He closed his eyes and grunted through it, feeling his heart pounding and abdomen flexing. 

“Sam, come on!” He begged through the overwhelming sensations, going back to jerking his brother as his toes curled. 

And then Sam was yelling like he’d been shot and riding Dean faster and harder than before, his eyes squeezed shut as his dick spurted cum all over his stomach. His abs flexed and his ass clenched around Dean, pulling another moan out of him. He kept riding Dean until the intense feeling subsided and then he slumped down onto Dean’s chest, heaving breaths. Dean reached up and ran a hand over Sam’s back.

“Fuck.” Sam breathed out in a half-laugh. 

Dean nodded and laughed back, just as breathlessly, “Yeah.”

A few moments passed of just heavy breathing, but eventually Dean’s legs started to fall asleep and he pushed at Sam.

“Crushing me.” He mumbled and Sam immediately fell off to the side, Dean’s dick slipping out of him in the process. They both hissed at the oversensitivity. 

Dean reached for the condom and grimaced as he discarded it. Then he picked up a box of tissues on the nightstand and went about wiping off their stomachs.

Sam hummed in thanks. When Dean was done, they laid there, next to each other but not touching, starting up at the ceiling.

“How are you feeling?” Dean asked eventually, turning to look at Sam with curious, somewhat concerned eyes.

Sam let out a long breath before replying honestly, “Better. Still a little uneasy, but… definitely better.”

He turned and gave Dean a small smile. Dean returned the gesture and sighed, “Good.”

Then the smile dropped off Sam’s face and he told Dean seriously, “Thank you.”

Dean just shook his head and looked back up at the ceiling. He denied, “You don’t have to thank me, Sam.”

“That’s not true.” Sam replied immediately, “You didn’t have to do that. I know there’s still some weird tension between us. So… thank you.”

“Mutually beneficial, ba-” Dean caught himself about to call his brother  _ babe _ and quickly corrected himself, “Sam. You know, our relationship had its ups and downs, but we were always good at this.”

Sam smiled softly and agreed, “Yeah we were.”

Dean hummed and then, feeling more open in his post orgasmic class, told Sam in an honest whisper, “I missed it. Your hands are so big and you just… man, you make me feel good.”

Sam laughed softly and teased, “Tired of women’s small hands, huh?”

Dean’s heart paused. He realized that Sam thought he’d been sleeping with other people while he was in hell. Sam thought he’d been fucking women while he was being tortured by the devil in the cage. He didn’t know that Dean had been abstinent while Sam was gone. He had no idea… 

“Actually, Sam…” He sighed, deciding to tell the truth. He swallowed around the growing lump in his throat and exhaled, “there’s something you should know.” 

Sam furrowed his brows and asked, “What?” 

“The last time I had sex- you know, before tonight…” Dean turned to look fully at his brother and confessed, “It was with you.” 

Sam’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, “What? But that was-”

“Over a year ago.” Dean smiled sadly, cutting Sam off, “Yeah, I know.” 

Sam brought himself up onto his forearm so he could look down at Dean. He stated in question, “You haven’t had sex since I went to the cage.”

“Yeah.” Dean looked down, the eye contact too much for him, “I… Sammy, look… I tried to move on. That’s what I promised you, and I tried. But, I couldn’t do it. You meant too much to me to just move on to someone else.” 

Sam’s voice was incredible soft when he asked in disbelief, “You really didn’t have sex with anyone else?”

Dean shook his head and looked up at Sam. 

“I got to second… maybe third base, but never further. Never all the way.” He whispered, “That was reserved for you.” 

Sam’s eyebrows raised and he exhaled, “Wow.” 

Dean grimaced a little and asked hesitantly, “Does that freak you out?”

Sam seemed to contemplate it for a minute, but then he was answering quietly, “It doesn’t freak me out. It just… shocks me. I never would’ve thought you could hold out for that long, nevermind actually would.” 

“I appreciate the faith you have in me.” Dean replied sarcastically before signing and saying seriously, “No, I just… nobody else felt right. I couldn’t shake it.” 

Sam nodded and looked at Dean, prompting, “So…”

Dean took a short, audible breath and proposed, “So, if you want to leave here and go fuck some girls, do it. I won’t hold you back. Hell, I’ll support it. But…”

He trailed off and Sam raised a brow, repeating, “But?”

Dean looked up at him and said almost shyly, “But, if you want to stay here, with me… I’d be supportive of that, too.” 

Damn smiled and elbowed Dean a little, asking in a tease, “Just supportive?”

Dean rolled his eyes and huffed, “Okay, I’d be thrilled. Is that what you wanna hear?”

Sam shook his head in amazement and asked, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Dean shrugged, “You were kind of shut off after hell, and I didn’t want to push you. Then you started seeing all those chicks. I figured it was over.”

Sam poked at Dean’s chest and defended like it was obvious, “I was only seeing the chicks to try and get a rise out of  _ you _ .”

Dean knit his eyebrows and brought himself up to his forearms, asking in shock and disbelief, “Come again?”

“You didn’t want any part of me.” Sam explained, “At least I thought. I thought maybe I could make you jealous and then you’d… you know.” 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Dean held a hand up, “So the whole seeing-lucifer-while-fucking thing… was that a lie to get me to have sex with you, too?”

“No!” Sam immediately denied, “No, God no! I wouldn’t lie about that. That was completely true. Still is. What I said was the honest to God truth, Dean. Lucifer did rape me in the cage. I kept seeing him when anyone else would touch me. But it’s also true that I knew that the only person who could fix it… was you.” 

Dean shook his head, half shocked and half impressed. He exhaled, “Jesus, Sammy.” 

“Are you mad?” His brother asked, grimacing a little in fear.

“No. No, of course not.” Dean shook his head, reaching over to touch Sam’s bicep, “I’m actually kind of impressed. You conned a conman.” 

Sam didn’t seem to like that phrasing. He ducked his head down and whispered, “It wasn’t a con.” 

Dean sighed.

“Hey.” He called softly, squeezing Sam’s arm in comfort, “I’m glad you did what you did. It got us here.” 

Sam looked up and smiled softly, agreeing, “Me too.” 

Dean felt brave, now. He locked his jaw and asserted, “I don’t want anyone else, Sammy. I never did. It’s just you. I don’t give a rat’s ass if that makes me a chick. Fuck it.” 

Sam laughed and leaned forward, kissing Dean gently. They stayed like that for a number of seconds before Sam pulled a few inches away, their foreheads still touching, and whispered sincerely, “I love you.”

Dean felt his mouth go dry. His heart started hammering in his chest. He wasn’t good at this being vulnerable thing. He didn’t express his emotions often, and certainly not verbally. How was he-

“You don’t have to say it.” Sam whispered against Dean’s lips, effectively shutting down his thoughts. He finished with a soft and loving, “I know.” 

Dean pecked Sam’s lips again and shook his head in awe. He teased, “Stop being so perfect, you bitch.”

And then he closed his eyes and added sincerely, “I love you too.”

Same eyes widened and became glossy. He fell to the bed and pulled Dean down with him, bringing their lips together in the process. 

It was going to be a long road back to normalcy. But, they were together. They were once again at each other's sides- the place they belonged- and nothing in the world could drag them apart. Never again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! :)
> 
> I am working on I think 4 other stories right now (yikes) haha but this idea just struck me and I wrote it in like 2 days... 
> 
> Anyways, stay tuned... 
> 
> Feel free to comment, but keep it kind please xoxoxo.
> 
> Happy holidays, ya’ll :D


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